Monday, April 12, 2010

Blog Parties, Affirmations, and Dreams About Wednesday Martin?

My brain is swirling with a lot of things right now, so I apologize in advance for the somewhat random conglomeration of topics. Deep breaths, everyone. Here we go.

Ultimate Blog Party intro


Ultimate Blog Party 2010The lovely ladies at 5 Minutes for Mom are hosting the Ultimate Blog Party this week. It’s a party… on the web. No cups or confetti to clean up when it’s done, but perhaps I’ll find some kindred spirits.

By way of introduction, I’ll say that I’m not a biological mom. I am a full-time stepmom. What I mean by that is my husband has full custody of his son. Where other children of divorce often split their time between their mother’s and father’s homes, my stepson is with us all of the time.

I met my stepson when he was about to turn nine. I wasn’t there for his first laugh, first steps, or first words. I didn’t get to marvel with him while he learned about grass or trees or birds.

When I met my stepson he had already been on baseball and soccer teams. He knew how to read and multiply numbers. Meanwhile, I had to learn his favorite foods, what clothes he liked to wear, and which hair clippers the hairdresser should use when trimming.

He had to learn what to call me (Sherri is fine), but more importantly he had to learn that I wasn’t there to impede his relationship with his dad. That wasn’t something I could say and have him learn over night. It was something he had to grow comfortable with in his own time.

Becoming a stepfamily happens slowly over years. It isn’t simply living under the same roof or sharing a last name. It takes time to grow together and figure out how to respect one another.

My husband, my stepson, and I are still figuring it out. I married my husband a year and a half ago and my stepson is now nearing 13.

There are moments I treasure and moments I wonder what I got myself into. Overall, though, we’ve hit a rhythm with our lives and our schedules.

Best of all, there are plenty of hugs to go around.

Affirmations #3

Ever since The Stepmom’s Toolbox suggested a 30 day affirmation challenge, I’ve been inspired to set weekly affirmations on Mondays. Just a simple phrase that I can keep with me and breathe in to help me stay focused on what is important.

I’ve noticed lately that I’ve been extra sensitive to criticism (and by criticism, I really mean perceived criticism). At home and at work I’ve struggled with this, so it seems time to focus on this:

Don’t take it personally.

If I detect a sour tone of voice or anger or frustration, I will do my best to understand that it was not aimed at me. When I feel strong I enough, I will go further by trying to decipher what might be the root cause of a bad mood.

This week, I will understand that it’s not about me.

Dream About Wednesday Martin

In other news, I had a dream last night in which I met Wednesday Martin. In my dream, my husband and I were in a grocery store and I saw Wednesday selecting some produce.

Just as I was about to tell my husband who it was, he took my hand, led me to her and said, “Hi Wednesday! How have you been? It’s been a while.” He introduced me to her and we talked about stepmotherhood and writing and blogging and life. (I know… that’s a lot of stuff!)

When we parted, I talked with my husband about how they met (they were old friends) and her role in studying stepfamilies (of which he was unaware until then).

I was so happy to have met her. Alas, when I awoke I realized that this was all in my imagination.

I’m not great at dream interpretation, so I don’t know what all this means, but it sounds like I should at least keep following Wednesday’s work.

In closing…

This should be an interesting week. How the heck are you?

6 comments:

  1. Hi There! I just wanted to stop by and throw some party glitter your way! I am also a step-mom, but I have turned into the full-time mom. I love reading other blogs about step-moms. It makes me feel better about what is going on with me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wonderful introduction. We all do the best we can and learn a little more every day. Wishing you an amazing journey.

    I'm stopping in this Monday to toss a little confetti, pull up a cozy virtual chair and party with you for a bit. Let's have some fun!

    I've got my Ultimate Blog Party 2010 post up at Dayngrous Discourse along with some giveaways and one of those posts that give you a little taste of what's it like to have some Dayngr in your life. I hope you'll surf on over, say hello and follow along if the mood strikes you.

    Oh, one last thing - If you're the tweetin' kind, I'm @Dayngr on twitter.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hiyas! I'm stopping by to say hello from the blog party. I'm really interested in this stepmom stuff, I tried to do it for a while when I was dating my now ex. But his kids were so much littler, so they didn't have all the resentment I think.

    If you'd like to visit my blog party, please feel free to do so here! :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great intro post. I'm a step mom too but my met my sd when she was three (10 now) so it was a little bit of an easier transition for her, not for me.

    off to have a look around on the blog. Have a great day.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Loved the post, I'm a bio mom but have a step mom and haven't seen a 'step mom' blog so you intrigued me! Stoppin by from the party!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Stopping by from UBP. I'm so thrilled to have found a stepmom blog. I am a bio and a step mom. It's hard work. Looking forward to commiserating with you in the future.

    Not taking things personally is SO crucial to anyone's mental health. Have you read "The Four Agreements" ? Very highly recommended.

    I'm going to check out The Stepmom's Toolbox next. And I wanted to follow you, but I don't think you have the "followers" widget enabled. So I'll just have to come back often and visit :) Hope you can check out my blog too!

    lucilleinthesky.com

    ReplyDelete