Showing posts from September, 2017

What It’s Really Like to Have Anxiety

“People who need help sometimes look a lot like people who don’t need help.” -Glennon Doyle
I can’t say with any certainty that I am viewed as having it all together. I have, however, been complimented for my ability to remain calm or to calm others. In my days as a project manager, it was a strength often highlighted in my performance reviews. One supervisor actually used to mistake my calm attitude for a lack of understanding the urgency of the issue, until he learned I very much understand the urgency, but can’t address it if I get frantic.

During my application process to become a Hospice volunteer, the coordinator told me after speaking to my three references that she had never seen a single word used so consistently to describe someone. What word is that, I asked. “Calm. Every single person commented on how calm you are.”

Calm. That is a marvelous state.

Imagine how it must feel to be known for being calm and to hold a diagnosis of anxiety. It sometimes feels that my entire sel…

Hummingbird Moth

A few years ago, I was photographing a flower in my backyard, when a strange creature flew in front of me. It was much larger than a bee, too small to be a bird, and looked a bit like an imagined creature from a movie.

It didn’t attack me, nor did it seem interested in eating me (both of which I tend to assess quickly in wildlife), so I turned my lens toward it and captured as many frames as I could before it zoomed away.

Viewing those photos on my computer screen moments later, I was just as confused about what I was seeing. It had a fuzzy green body with brown and clear wings that had been flapping rapidly the whole time. Protruding from the front of its face was a long, curled — tongue/snout/antennae — something.

I forget what magic words I typed into Google that produced similar images of something called a hummingbird moth. A member of the moth family, this creature flutters its wings quickly and demonstrates flight characteristics similar to those of a hummingbird. Pretty accur…