I’m switching gears a little today to talk about something I haven’t been really public about before.
When my husband and I got married almost two years ago, we were surprised and delighted to find out one month later that I was pregnant. It felt like a sign that we were right where we were meant to be.
Eleven weeks and two ultrasounds in, I miscarried. To make matters worse, my D+C was scheduled on my husband’s birthday. Needless to say no one was feeling celebratory.
It was one of the most horrible times in my life. I slid into depression and cried month after month when my cycle restarted.
I tried to stay positive. I kept thinking my body was just purging the first pregnancy as a natural progression to making way for a stronger pregnancy soon after.
It’s been 17 months since I miscarried and we’ve yet to get pregnant again. It’s still heartbreaking, especially since I dream of being a stay at home mom. Each passing month is still heartbreaking and still brings depression spells. Though sometimes, it brings more of a resigned numbness.
So, why am I mentioning this today? As I sat in the infertility doctor’s office this morning. I was thinking about some of the other stepmom’s writings I’ve read and realized many of them had also mentioned somewhere along the line not having kids of their own despite their best efforts.
I truly believe that stress is a big factor in a couple’s ability to conceive. Miscarriage certainly brings with it plenty of stress. Add to that the adjustment of new stepfamily life, business woes, my in-laws moving in to our home, and most recently the passing of loved ones and I can certainly understand why my body might be rebelling.
I wonder, though, if infertility among stepmothers is prevalent or if I just happen to be connecting with people who’ve had similar experiences.
Is stress a factor in fertility? If so, how do the complexities of stepfamily life weigh in? Perhaps not at all, but that’s what I pondered while waiting far too long in the doctor’s office this morning.