Skip to main content

Home



My home perpetually feels like it's in shambles. There are always projects partway done, items left out on every flat surface, and even if I just swept the floor, it will have debris on it when I come back from putting the broom away. Is it procreating or something?

Sometimes the level of chaos is tolerable. Sometimes it isn't.

This weekend it wasn't. And so began some work: fixing the leaky toilet, putting the wall trim back on (which we hadn't done since finishing the wood floors a few months ago), making room in the kitchen cabinets to take stuff off the counters, throwing out random crap. You know, the lingering kind of projects.

It's just that when enough things get out of control, home starts to feel stifling, hostile even. It's hard to live harmoniously and peacefully in a house that is in disarray.

Today I still feel tense and unfocused.

There is still so much to be fixed, cleaned, and cleared. I just wish I could walk around the house crossing my arms and blinking I-Dream-of-Jeannie style and make it all better. (Don't we all?)

But I know it will get better. We are making progress. For now my plan is to continue focusing on what I can do right now that will make the most impact on my sanity, like moving that stack of boxes out of the corner.

The funny thing is, you might think I was worried about Thanksgiving guests seeing my house. I'm not. We only have a few guests coming, all family, and they see my house on a regular basis. I'm not worried about making any kind of impression on them.

It's just that I'm feeling uncomfortable in my own home. I hate that. I believe home should have a sense of calm. A sense of "sit here and rest for a bit." (Okay, moms definitely have trouble in this area, but let's make it happen, people!)

What do you think? Does the state of your home impact your mood?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Him: What is this?

Me: A lens ball.

Him: What is it for?

Me: Turning your face upside down.

My friend gave me this present for Christmas. I had no idea what it was. This is from my first photo shoot with the lens ball.

Settings:
Fujifilm X-T100
Aperture f/4.5
Shutter speed 1/110 sec.
ISO 400


Confirm Your Humanity

I type my email address into the box and click. Another screen pops up: “Confirm your humanity.” I check a box and it is done. Humanity confirmed. But I wonder what am I doing in my life today to confirm my humanity?

What It’s Really Like to Have Anxiety

“People who need help sometimes look a lot like people who don’t need help.” -Glennon Doyle
I can’t say with any certainty that I am viewed as having it all together. I have, however, been complimented for my ability to remain calm or to calm others. In my days as a project manager, it was a strength often highlighted in my performance reviews. One supervisor actually used to mistake my calm attitude for a lack of understanding the urgency of the issue, until he learned I very much understand the urgency, but can’t address it if I get frantic.

During my application process to become a Hospice volunteer, the coordinator told me after speaking to my three references that she had never seen a single word used so consistently to describe someone. What word is that, I asked. “Calm. Every single person commented on how calm you are.”

Calm. That is a marvelous state.

Imagine how it must feel to be known for being calm and to hold a diagnosis of anxiety. It sometimes feels that my entire sel…